I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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