conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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