okay pat passed out under dana's car
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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