It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
