YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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