Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
