Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
