I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This baby is an asshole
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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