he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
