So drunk its hurt
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
