Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
