The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
