zippers are such a cool invention
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
