She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
