So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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