I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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