i jhust puked up my retainher.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
