The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
