I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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