Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
