i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
one two three fourrrrnication!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
