You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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