I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
