Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
