OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
