Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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