Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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