i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
soo... how was my night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
