I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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