The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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