Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
