Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
