hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
