Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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