How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I would fuck him just for his dog
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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