i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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