It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My balls are so social today.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
