Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
