babies were throwing up all over the place
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
