she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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