I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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