just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
