words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
