It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
