Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
