Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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