How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
