Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
