I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
