I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
