I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
