she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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