i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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