Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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