Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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