She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
